ShiDa ReDwan

2010-04-13T11:12:00.001+08:00

andai hati ini bisa berbicara,
pasti ia menjerit sekuat hati.
andai hati bisa bergerak,
pasti ia mencapai hatimu jua.

hati ini menjerit kebebasan,
bukan kebebasan hidup yang dipinta,
tetapi kebebasan berbicara,
meluah segala perasaan yang lama terpendam.

andai hati bisa berbicara,
pasti ia bertanya,
mengapa tiada yang dengar?
mengapa tiada yang cuba memahami.

andai hati bisa keluar,
kan ia capai dirimu,
memohon miminta,
dirinya ingin didengar.

oli said i cant handle both life,
im trying dear.
i need both life,
one does not exist without the other.
You're the reason why i smile every day.

2010-04-06T15:08:00.003+08:00

wow, i tried to think of some malay things to rant,
but,
my mind just went blank.

teruk right? i used to be so pro in malay.

chatted with farah yesterday through msn.
missed that girl of mind dearly.
she would always give me the best advice when needed.

its true,
i have been keeping myself super busy.
i need to get distracted so as not to bother oli alot.
he just started on a new job,
and i do not want to bother him with my constant messaging.

Yes, my weekday are fully booked.
apart from work,
mon. wed. fri. tuition with shiqin.
though i tried to escape many times.
hehehes.

Tues and Thursday,
tuition with syafiqah and daniel at aljunied.

Only the morning part of sat is available for me.
the other half would be spent with family learning Tajwid.
not that i am complaining anyway.

And Sunday of course,
Oli time.

so, will somebody give me money for free.
and i can enjoy myself peacefully.

Liyana brought me to giggles when she said;
" aku da penat kerja, nak kahwin goyang kaki "

hahahahaha skali dapat husband pemalas,
it will be back to square one right? =P

ohhh, but i bet Allah have something interesting planned for all of us.

before i end,
i cant decide where to bring oli this sunday.

Marina Barrage to play kite or a Bus Trip to Jurong Point?

2010-03-30T08:40:00.002+08:00

Eh eh, makin hari makin kumpul abuk blog ini.

Dah lama aku tak update.
Lagi-lagi update bahasa melayu.
Agaknya orang pun dah jelak nak baca.
Tapi takpela, aku tulis jek.
Hanya nak melepaskan apa yang tersirat di dalam dada.

Waaaa, free nyer aku.
Tak sibuk kerja ker?
Sibuk, tapi jam sembilan nanti.
Sekarang goyang kaki saja.
Menghabiskan masa.

Kalaulah di atas katil nie,
alamatnya jam dua belas lah baru bangun kan.
Haaaa, tulahhh.
Dulu boleh bangun lambat, awalkan.
Sekarang kena bangun awal,
Tak larat kan.

Hahaha, aku saja nak tulis kat sini.
Tak ada sebab, Cuma rasa gian.
Orang lain mempraktikkan bahasa melayu dorang.
Aku melayu naik basi di bibir.
Jadi mestilah berlatih.

Fuhhhh, seronok jugak berceloteh di sini.
Tiada yang menilai, tiada yang mengata.

Haiiii, banyak lagi sebenarnya luahan di hati.
Tapi takpelah,
Lain kali. =)

2010-02-24T15:11:00.002+08:00

can somebody please remind me,
the reason why i fell in love?

UGH!

everything is falling apart.
i am not doing anything but just watching it fall.

2010-01-12T12:34:00.002+08:00

If thou must love me, let it be for naught

Except for love's sake only.

Do not say

"I love her for her smile...her look...her way of speaking gently

-For a trick of thought

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought

A sense of pleasant ease on such a day."

For these things in themselves,

beloved, may be changed,

or changed for thee-

-and love so wrought may be unwrought so.

Neither love me for thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry

-A creature might forget to weep,

who bore their comfort long,

and lose their love thereby

But love me for love's sake,

that evermore thou mayst love on,

Through love's eternity.

--Elizabeth Barrett Browning

This was an old entry,
but i feel that it still feels so close to me.

Happy 13 Months Baby.
Alhamdulillah.

2010-01-10T19:47:00.002+08:00

This past two days have been a thomping heart moment period.

nah, its not about work.

as, i've already settled that part.

hehehe, i've assured myself to do better than what i have done.

Nah, its about my relationship.

i wondered, at what point of time,

is a relationship is really allowed.

my relatives have been spotting me with oli ALOT.

no negative remarks BUT,

its neither here nor there.

neither positive nor negative.

they just giggled and tell me to take care of myself.

today mom bongkar-ed my wallet and saw a picture of oli.

when i came home, bot mummy and daddy never spoke a word.

i discussed this with oli.

he scolded me,

saying that if im afraid we might as well break up.

he see's no point of going on if i can't mempertahankan our relationship.

what he said is true. haish oklaaaa.

oh oli, you know how much i love you.

that, of course is another story.

oh well,

told kak yan and nini.

they just laughed and told me that i thought too much.

bahhh, maybe i did. =)

Do not dwell in the Past, Do not dream of the Future,
Concentrate your mind on the Present.
- Buddha

2010-01-03T21:20:00.005+08:00

its been another ages entry, haha.

well, have been very very very busy.

but a fun fun fun busy.

and now, im dreading for tommorow.

BACKTOWORK. ARRRGGGGHHHHH!

well, but lets not forget about today.

had a wonderful lunch date by the beach with oli.

The holiday had been soo wonderful!

had the best 20 birthday EVER! Alhamdulillah.

had three cakes in arow ehehehehe.

and me and oli turned a year old. Thank You Allah.

oh well, Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah!

Thank You Hajar and Wan.

Thank You my dear girls for the surprise.

Thank You to ALL my cousins.

Thank You, Baby!

Love You.

2009-12-15T19:17:00.002+08:00

all i wanted to do was to post about my bitrhday celebration,

however, unfortunately something happened to me today.

which totally spoiled my mood.

all i can say is that,

curse those mercedes driver ladies!

pfffft!!!

i nearly had an accident today,

alhamdulillah none was injured except for the dear vios.

since i was a crybaby for the past few days.

i totally burst into tears and panic.

but silent tears it was, malu sey. haha.

Mr Goh was like,

lu jangan takut bukan salah luuuu!

he was really caring and nice.

making me feel calm.

olli was nice enough to wait for me. thanks dear.

IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!

once again, bohohooooo!

curse her!

pfffffttt!!!! *)**^&%%$&^$#!!!!!!!!

oh ya, thanks my dear. ill dedicate a post soon.

2009-12-05T22:08:00.003+08:00

People come in all sorts of weird varieties,

And today, they are a true bag of mixed nuts.

Today they tend to be overly dramatic,

but highly entertaining.

I'm not asking for more.

The perfect guy,

the perfect loved ones.

Alhamdulillah, Never better. =)

wedding function tomorrow and next week.

FUH!

2009-11-28T20:44:00.003+08:00

had quite a hectic week.

a fun one though,

one that will make me say;

gaji buta. kekeke.

been having work plan seminar,

so basically they have been feeding us,

made us sit the whole day.

so yaaa, all in all,

make us fat. hehehe!

but yeye, Alhamdulillah. =)

made so much new frens.

hehe, i am appreciative.

we cant wait. hehehehe!

2009-11-21T21:07:00.005+08:00

Sesungguhnya saya amat berbangga terhadap sepupu saya,

Muhammad Taufik Bin Ishak.

Kenapa anda tanya?

ohhh, sudah tentu ke atas persembahannya semalam.

bukan sahaja menari,

malah persembahannya dalam bidak teater amat mengagumkan.

Syabas Taufik!

sudah tentu, saya pulang dan terus sahaja menyampaikan berita baik ini,

kepada keluarga tercinta.

selalu orang tertanya-tanya,

lelaki? joget?

tetapi jangan sekali-sekali pandang sebelah mata.

bakatnya sudah tak terbilang lagi.

saya berani mengalung-alungkan pada yang tertanya.

yaaaa! lelaki yang berbakat!

steorotype? haha...

tepuk dada tanyalah selera.

huahuahua, enough of that.

im just so proud of my cousin.

it was the 1st time i see him perform.

oh well, malay arts have always been running in our blood.

just name it, dikir? malay dance? poetry? theater?

even visual art itself.

huahuahua!

biler lagi nak berbanggakannnn....=)

alright, went to watch 2012 with oli just now.

it was just SUPERB!

for once, i watched a movie whereby im kept rooted on my seat.

it was just soooo UNpredictable.

i cried thrice!!!!!

mostly because it really touches on the family aspect

and most importantly,

the humanity feelings.

well, people may judge this movie differently,

but this is how i see it.

5 STARS!

olli made my day!

Alhamdulillah.

2009-11-19T14:48:00.003+08:00

it was a long time since i went out with a bunch of girls.

truly, yesterday experience made me miss my girls to pieces.

i thought back on how i usually fought,

to keep my girls if not rooted but together always.

i wondered if as our days go by,

the days we meet each other grew lesser.

im at lost everytime i think why things becomes this way.

i always asked my dad if whats happening to me is normal,

he said it will usually happens

when you enter the working world full time.

as i was chatting with my females colleage,

i realised they too were facing the same thing.

family, boyfriend and only little friend.

i just want my girls to know that i think of them often.

but the truth is,

things have changed. alot.

only Allah knows what plays in my heart often.

other than that im appreciative of Salina, Liyana and even our young mummy Nadira.

for the heartfelt laughters i had last night.

it was a new breathe of fresh air for me.

Alhamdulillah.

yesterday i saw the vulnerability part of olli.

i did not know that he had the capacity of being jealous.

bahhh, he always said to me that he never felt jealous.

its only normal for us human being.

but i love him nevertheless.

baby, i may get on your nerves at time.

but you are no 1 in my heart.

i love you to pieces.

2009-11-13T21:36:00.004+08:00

finally, whatever i have learnt

for the past two months are being put into test.

jeng jeng jeng,

its been ages since i felt my heart thumping.

once again, i was afraid to fail.

but i did this time,

and im proud to say,

i learn my mistake.

well, im talking about my lessons as a special needs officer.

i was unable to be flexible.

i panic and did not managed to think how to teach the boys.

at first, i was drowning with

embarrasment and dissapointment.

then i realised, if i never fail,

how will i learn?

kan kan kan.

now ill just have to gain my courage and my resources.

go shida,

I CAN DO THIS!

going to the zoo tomorrow.

HURRAY HURRAY!

11 months and im loving it.

Alhamdulillah.

2009-11-02T21:06:00.003+08:00

kalau orang susah,

selagi kita boleh bantu, kita bantu.

mana tahu,

satu hari kita susah,

orang akan bantu.

kan kan kan~

daddy said;

"help those closest to you"

2009-11-01T21:45:00.003+08:00

Life has been a rollercoaster lately.

but a thrilling ride that im thankful off.

rollercoaster as i meant it being unexpected.

but dont be surprise

if i said the rollercoaster ride starts and ends

only at weekends. HAHA.

i bet its typical of every working individual.

why? cause everyday, without fail;

after i end work at 4pm,

I GO HOME STRAIGHT AND

SLEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP.

AND IM GAINING WEIGHT!!!!!!!

yeah, too tired to be through.

until to the extend when i fell sick and my dad said;

"Kau saket pasal da lama TAK ukur jalan"

hahahaha, i found it very funny.

my weekends are spent with Oli, Mak and Bapak

and of course Family truly.

i kept asking myself,

when will i find time for my friends?

ntahla, InsyaAllah.

but i am not complaining. No No No.

InsyaAllah, ill plan my time. promise. hehe.

oh ya, i may be abit too late.

but guys, you must check this show out!

i was practically sobbing when i was watching this and oli was just laughing his head off.

HMMPH! i noe, you cried when you watched it without me.

heheh, oli said our love is the third one.

love from Allah.

InsyaAllah. =)

2009-10-13T20:18:00.002+08:00

being at St. Stephens really open my eyes.

it really seeks alot at what is within myself.

im enjoying most of my time here.

Alhamdulillah.

erk..tadi ader mood.

tiba-tiba mood hilang.

till next time. heheh.

10 months and im loving it.

2009-10-07T20:50:00.004+08:00

Tunggu sekejap wahai kasih

Kerana hujan masih renyai

Tunggu sekejap

Dalam pelukan asmara ku

Jangan bimbang

Walaupun siang akan menjelma

Malam ini Belum puas bercumbu dengan kanda

Tunggu sekejap wahai kasih

Tunggulah sampai hujan teduh

Mari ku dendang

Jangan mengenang orang jauh

Jangan pula

Jangan tinggalkan daku sorang

Tunggu sekejap kasih

Tunggu

heheh, feeling so emosi-ed,

all due to spore idol larh.

kekekeh.

rolli polli olli~

2009-10-05T19:20:00.002+08:00

it takes you years to figure out.
figure out what?
you may ask?
to me,
figure out who means most to you.
to me, they will be the one who is there,
in spite of laughter or cries.

it takes the odd ones,
the last ones standing.
the one who understand the meaning,
behind why you are really there.

they will not call you every single second,
will not meet you every single day.
but when you meet them,
your smile and laughter becomes sincere.
your cries becomes heartfelt.

cause i soon understand,
the true meaning behind the words,
"behind your back"

hit the spot?

dearest olli melts my heart today.

2009-09-30T22:21:00.005+08:00

being at St Stephen made me reflect alot.

mostly, i reflect myself as a muslim.
how many times i pray?
when do i remind myself of the Almighty?

had Sports Day,
it was really a blast.

but my day started with a heavy heartfelt.
it started with lighting up of 5 candles.
then, the boys started praying,
"Oh Allah, please bless us....."
followed by the prayers from other religious.

oh, reflections reflections.

hahaha, okay on another note,
i made nice new frens.
and im willing to learn more new stuffs.
InsyaAllah. =)

okay, next story.

kinda made olli upset today.
we talked about sacrifices and i kinda offended him.
sorry baby,

"i know i've always apologised,
promised not to repeat,
repeat it again,
apologised again"

im sorry baby, i'll be a better sugarbebeh. *winks*
shida loves olli very much.

2009-09-28T21:06:00.004+08:00

Eh eh! Da raya laaaaaaar.

Da nak basi pun, kekeke.

Ntah ehh, this year it feels like the 1st few days have been enough.

im feeling tired already.

BUT, this Thurs will jalan again.

As i had promised Daddy already,

reason being he wanted to go out tommorow night.

but noooooo, i wanna meet olli.

missed him already.

so Thurs looor.

raya was AWESOME!

spending time with cousins,

the usuals, gossips and cranky faces!

Alamak, the resolution something wrong.

hehehe.

anywaes, will update again another day.

TERbusy jap. kekeke.

shida misses olli very much okies?

2009-09-19T14:45:00.005+08:00

woah, tommorow is..
Selamat Hari Raya~

diam tak diam, cepat masa berlalu.

i was hoping for the remaining 5 days

to past as soon as possible.

i just couldnt wait to relax and enjoy!

finally, i ended my services with CZPS.

it was indeed a memorable experience,

one not easily achieved.

thank you for all the help and knowledge received along the way. =)

but the most remembered memories,

will of course be the kids i met.

my VERY hyper p two's

my adorable P ones.

ahhhh, now i wonder what St' Stephen has for me.

okay people,

i would like to take this opportunity,

" Menyusun sepuluh jari,

memohon ampun dan maaf.

Halalkan segala makan dan minum"

Selamat Hari Raya!!!!

2009-09-15T20:51:00.002+08:00

just finished reading hajar's and farah's blog.

sungguh aku rindu kawan2 aku.

i missed them just OH TOO MUCH.

i promise, this 25th onwards,

im gonna get myself a diary.

not the ones to write down my feelings2,

but to jot down my schedules.

THEN can i get back to all the things,

all of it,

all im misssing so badly.

and i miss eating sushi la.

by, 23rd we eat sushi kks.

oh ya, i finally got my postings.

BOY'S SCHOOL SEY! AMEK KO!

hahaha, St' Stephen.

but lucky for me, its a single session soon.

fuh, lega. baru ada life skit.

Oh Allah bless my job please.

sesungguhnya aku mencari kerja yang ikhlas.

and finally Alhamdulillah. =)

this few days been have problems with my tummy.

hope it shall stop as soon as raya arrives.

counting down, 5 more days to Salam Lebaran! =)

2009-09-11T17:33:00.003+08:00

First and foremost, congratulations to farah amira.

for passing her tp.

though i knew it through net and not through phone.

kekeke.

but im proud of you.

and now im feel-ed with envy.

bila lagi la aku nak amek driving license?

hahahaha,

my dad asked me whether i was having a case of phobia or anything?

nah, to me its just a case of belum tiba masanya.

rezeki pun belum datang.

InsyaAllah, by october.

oh Allah, guide me. =)

and so kawan2, its left to 8 more days.

to raya laaaaaa.

cant wait kan.

hahahaha.

finally got my putu bambu but no prata tumbuk.

im supposed to do chocolate chips today tapi masyaAllah

macam malas gituk.

kekekeke, so tunggu laaa.

finally bought my kasut raya. =)

okay, till then. Adios!

2009-09-06T10:24:00.003+08:00

Guess what, two more weeks and VOILA,
SELAMAT HARI RAYA...pom pom pom.

hahahahaha, im really getting the jitters.

but being solo (busy without friends, not oli) kinda feel diff.

Remember all those times where way before puasa,

we already plan when to jalan raya and all.

and this time round, i still have not satisfy my Ramadhan cravings.

been around geylang for a few time,

maseh tak jumpe putu bambu,

maseh tak jumpa prata tumbuk,

food there quite dissapointing. hahaha,

but no fret! =)

so this week agenda,

make kuih, make kuih, make kuih! heheheheh.

macam2 kuih terasa nak dibuat.

and, get at least two more baju raya.

ahahahahaha. kemaruk-kemaruk (shakes head)

and and, my sterling grey freshlook contact lense. weeeee~

check this out:- the colour i intend to get

sterling grey

Cool kan, over here at afgan buy two get one free.

hahahaha, okay till then,

hugs and kisses! hahahaha.

2009-09-02T20:40:00.002+08:00

its been ages right?

i just cant simply find a single moment to update by blog.

keinginan sentiasa ada, hanya kesempatan yang tak datang berjumpa.

hajar....i also received loads of teachers day prezzie.

hehehe, shiok gituk.

at least for once i feel appreciated for what i did.

i noe, i noe.

should not have wasted their money.

hees, but who's forcing? told them card is enough.

hahahaha, but mostly received gifts that are useful for my future school.

(Thank you my lovely kids,

tapi kan hadiah terbaik bagi cikgu shida ialah keputusan yang baik dari kamu semua.

SOOOO, buck up on your kefahaman okays?)

whichhhhh, i have not known yet.

they told me posting shall be emailed to weeks before starting day.

so from today on, its 9 days to the day they said they shall email.

sesungguhnya aku berpuasa so sabar je kaaan.

oh yaaaa, diam tak diam.

its been a week since we all fasted.

Alhamdulillah, so as you all know.

i'm the sort of person who will be the most excited menjelang hari raya.

just finished burning for my mom lagu raya.

hahahahaha, and im excited to buy many nice-nice baju raya.

sungguh aku excited!

hahahahha.

okay forgive me for my ramblings here,

im just typing whatever that comes to my mind. =)

miss my oli. hehehehe.

to all, Selamat menjalan ibadah puasa!

2009-07-20T21:39:00.003+08:00

im updating for su's sake.
hehehehe, jangan marah hoor.
and yes i miss lina too.

im still kemaroking bout MJ.

i adore his songs.

but this have been my fav ones.

not just because it reminds me of oli.

but my gals and my cousins.

Oh Allah, i know they are at their lowest.

do keep my loved ones strong.

let them make the right choices.

and forgive them if they misdeed.

Thank you.

2009-06-25T15:46:00.003+08:00

hees, im more appreciative of my blog now.

so proud of it.

wanted to put orange template cam malas plak.

konon nak kena kan pada namer lahhh.

haha, okay im alone at my office now.

something is wrong wf the aircon so im freezing.

well, its been a long time since i met my friends.

be it hajar, farah, seha.

and the rest of the girls.

been too busy with work.

even too busy for olli.

finding time for him is always a last minute plan.

my family needs me at this point of time.

ill be there for them.

all of them.

proud to hear that seha is now a policewoman.

sume kawan2 aku nak jadi civil servant.

hahahahaha.

our future, only Allah knows.

mine is still hanging.

yes nurul, aku pun ikhtiar jugak.

2009-06-24T13:51:00.002+08:00

been counting down the days,

2 more days. and out of MUIS.

like it?

i dunnoe,

i enjoy the work. DUH kerja senang siol.

pun tak tau nak bersyukur eh shida?

hahahahaha,

but its the travelling that tires me the most.

InsyaAllah,

something good will come.

was sooo glad cikgu Azizah called the other day,

start teaching again this monday.

wohooooOOO.

miss my kids so much. haha.

i really did not expect teaching would touch my deepest souls.

hahaha. kk enough.

i want to make myself closer to Allah.

its the month of Rejab people.

and soon Syaaban,

then puasa, Ramadhan,

and yesssss, the most awaited Syawal.

InsyaAllah.

Rejab bulan Allah, Syaaban bulanKu, Ramadhan bulan Umatku.

Rejab bulan Taubat, Syaaban bulan Muhibbah, Ramadhan dilimpahi Pahala Amalan.

- Nabi Muhammad S.A.W

2009-06-09T16:01:00.003+08:00

finally,

working has been a chore.

i cant wait to teach again.

that gave me satisfaction, contentment, pure happiness.

this just gave me

neck aches, eye-bag, no time for myself.

but yes both gives me money and experience.

il be thankful to Allah though.

he just wants the best for me.

these days, i kept asking what happen to my life?

what happened to me?

what happened to jovial me.

im still am, when im with the people i love.

just that i spend less time on that now.

but im contented.

Alhamdulillah, never better.

2009-04-20T21:14:00.003+08:00

wahwahwah~

lamer bangat ku tak update.

this blog seems dead.

but so many things are happening that putting down words seem tedious enough.

okay tell you what,

imm gonna change skin.

make it fresh and start updating again.

though no one seems to read maybe ill take off the tag.

maybe,

huahuahua!

2009-03-12T13:17:00.003+08:00

Okay dear friends, im off to batam tommorow!

im emptying my mind, strenghtening my heart.

keeping everything focused.

when i come back, ill know whats worth and whats not.

ill miss oli badly, thats for sure.

thanks izyan for last night.

thank you Allah for everything.

2009-03-09T12:38:00.002+08:00

2009-02-17T23:17:00.002+08:00

" life is too short to wake up with regrets. so love the people who treat you right and love the ones who don't just because you can. believe everything happens for a reason. if you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. if it changes your life, let it. kiss slowly, forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. he just promised it would be worth it. "

Life’s too short. So better make it good, guys.

im expecting a whirlwind.

too many plans, just wonder how to put it down.

2009-02-13T12:46:00.003+08:00

Happy 2 months to me and Oli!

hees, May Allah bless us.

i don't need a valentine.

i don't need a rose.

All i need is your love,

and that's what i've got.

2009-02-09T22:30:00.006+08:00

sunday was perfect for me.

Thank you Allah.

huhu, we arrived nurul's house.

it was 1pm, and shes still asleep. huhuhu. =D

end up, the uncles were the one cleaning the store.

hahaha, tak boleh harap cousins!

it was just fun fun fun!

karaoke and eat eat eat!

mak edah masak power lar!

Love them. =)

2009-02-04T23:00:00.006+08:00

been having unexpected blasting days.

had lunch at seoul garden with seha.

one crazy gal, with great eating habits. hahahaha.

love her though. =)

thanks to su and alijah.

managed to find the right formal blouse.

especially su for her patience.

appreciate it many2. =)

i happy and contented.

Alhamdulillah.

but i miss oli badly. =(

2009-02-03T11:28:00.003+08:00

okies,

i realised im not the only one with these pre-menstrual migranes.

huhu,

many others are facing these pains.

okays,

gonna make this short and sweet.

it will be a very hectic and busy february,

and then will come a blasting March!

im tired of holding in,

im gonna take things as it is

and hold on to whatever questions, doubts, insecurities

in me till then.

just live and let live.

2009-02-01T12:43:00.002+08:00

thats it.

its confirmed that i have been thinking too much.

i know i know.

thinking of unneccassary things.

not good kan.

and finally it took a blow on me.

yesterday, was getting ready work.

played with time, and decided to dilly dally for a while.

since it was only 445pm.

so when i got to the bathroom,

my head felt very heavy and my eyespan grew very blur.

i almost fell on the toilet.

so i quickly rushed and wobbled my way to my bedroom and lied down.

the pain in my head was horrendous!

what else am i good at?

called my mom and relax abit.

called my dad, tears started falling.

called my boss.

choke up tears.

called oli terus melalak. hahahahaha

it was damn painful laaar.

one of the worst migranes i ever had.

so, stayed at home.

had fever.

lied down and watched tv.

what a way to spend my saturday. LOL

okay, enough of that.

i need to get myself some things.

a new set of blouse,

a new pair of heels,

ive been wanting to get myself a small diary.

a new top,

some jeans.

loose powder,

and a treat at ramen's ten

or hei sushi.

and im craving for almajlis foods.

teruk eh shida.

i've finally decided.

lay back, look at the whole big picture.

and yes, know whats worth and whats not.

its time.

2009-01-23T23:08:00.009+08:00

browsed through lijah's blog.

saw her past entries.

laughed out aloud at how fast and drastic we had grow up.

stole some pics from her blog.

hehehe.

we all did not ask to grow up very fast.

maybe we did, but after getting it is it worth it?

are the wishes still the same?

are the dreams still on the same lead?

lets look back?

2009-01-21T22:50:00.002+08:00

okay2, its been ages since i update.

alar, macam lar ader org bacer blog ko.

hehehe.

okay im gonna make this sweet and simple.

this week had been very hectic.

and expect even more hectic weeks to come.

i think, i think it shall be okay once its march. hehe.

i cant wait to spend time with my lovelies.

just cant wait.

alijah was so sweet today,

she told us all about her experience as a nurse.

and yes we learnt alot.

kan rahman kan.

kan farah kan.

kan su kan.

and oli made my day today, though i had to sulk at first.

i have to promise him tonight.

sulk less,

appreciate more.

miss su so much sey.

it was so nice and great to meet her just now.

kk, thank you Allah.

bless my loved ones and those who love me.

i'll be back. nyehehe.

2009-01-13T17:25:00.003+08:00

read farah's blog.

i came across the issue where

" the world is a beauty pagent "

nyehehe.

it had always been an issue for me.

how hard i deny it.

its true larrr.

it takes gut to really admit that looks don't really matter.

it does actually,

in a whole long run.

so i asked someone,

does it matter if im not beautiful?

cause i know im not.

and im surrounded with beautiful people whom i love.

he said,

why does it matter so much?

farah said to me once its not the beauty that stands out.

its the attitude and personality that shines.

sweet right? =)

he then said,

rather then you go through the gruesome methods on dieting and all,

why not you start believing in yourself.

so i started,

and he told me to pray to Allah.

" Minta pada tuhan,

minta hari2 dimuliakan hati,

hati cantek, muka pun cantek "

what i could not forget was when he said,

in god's eyes, we are his beautiful creation.

thank you my dears,

for always making me feel beautiful. =)

2009-01-12T17:11:00.002+08:00

The incident that is going in Gaza made me reflect and think.

Lets face it, we are lucky to be born here.

we do not face natural disasters.

no wars.

and yet we do not appreciate.

been getting msges to pray for our fellow Muslims who are suffering.

been getting emails.

watching the news.

its just heart wrenching to see them suffer.

especially the kids.

they are pure and innocent.

what can we do here?

lets pray for them.

i asked a friend whether its really true about the masjid Aqsa.

i guess its too major to be publicised on local news.

maybe it will cause major chaos.

lets be contented and appreciative.

when we complain,

know that others are suffering worst out there.

its just sad,

what this world is turning into.

2009-01-11T15:50:00.005+08:00

in a week,

just so many had happen.

yes yes.

my dad was complaining.

"tiap-tiap hari, ko balek malam"

hees. =)

they are just worried about me leaving my prayers.

i know, its for my own good.

okay2, i cut down.

mon wed fri?
can? hees.

hehes, went out wf my cousins on fri.

it was a blast and a meaningful one this time.

we'll change.

waiting to meet oli tomorrow,

and my lovelies this wednesday.

cant wait. =)

Oh Allah,

please bless my days.

Amin. =)

2009-01-08T00:20:00.002+08:00

fuhhhhh,

okies this is going to be short and sweet.

cause i have to catch up on my beauty sleep.

haha.

yes, shida dahder eyebags okies?

for once i raced through time to finish up my resume and my report.

thanks to ben, seha and thoufic. =)

yer, i ukur-ed jalan and now its all last minute work.

haha.

i miss my lovelies alot.

i know i seldom show it, but they are in prayers everytime.

I MUST FIND TIME FOR THEM!

as they do for me. =)

ok ok, went to oli's house just now.

yer farah, aku nak call ko.

salakunervousnakmampos.

but end up, it was nice.

he have VERY nice siblings.

makdierblanjerakumakan. =s

i was embarrased.

and oli went out with my sister to get her a dinner.

okay, done.

Thank You, Allah.

Please give me the strength, and blessing, and patience.

I NEED IT ALOT.

and make evryone i love, n love me

be happy and contented.

Amin.

2009-01-04T13:38:00.004+08:00

woah, can you believe it?

it already two-oh-oh-nine!

huhu, fast and unbelievable.
2008 had been a roller-coaster ride all the way.

lets not look back and regret.

just reflect and to never repeat the mistakes that had been done.

currently, im happy and contented.
Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

started the year with a funny incident.

see, i told you right?

we look back at it,

and laughed it all out.

yes kak yan,

you know i know.

as for my lovelies,

farah, susu, ain, rahman

and getting closer with lina.

that funny gal.

may we stay close.

InsyaAllah.

God knows how much i love them.

and i met someone new.

i dare not say much.

its too early.

but he rocks my heart.

he taught me to be "seorang yang penyabar"

shida hearts oli very much. =)

im happy im happy!

Oh Allah,

please bless all that i love, and love me.

with a great year ahead of us.

Amin.

2008-12-26T10:51:00.011+08:00

had very HECTIC days

but it was all loved very much.

pics with my lovelies~

i asked them to pose an abnormal face. haha.

Suriana

Farah Amira
her abnormal was blur so nie pun jadilah.

Siti Nurain

haaa, cantek nah lartu. =p

Abdul Rahman

our playmaker. =)

huhu. so on xmas, me and my cousins headed to kak ana house.

help her spring clean the house.

Look at our clothes.

haha, sponsered beb.

we could have been like the acting casts in cuci. kan kan. LOL

more pics will be updated soon. =)

oh Allah, please bless everything i do.

please let me make the right choices.

Amin.

2008-12-23T19:55:00.009+08:00

went out with my lovelies.

had a simple but AWESOME day.

these are the only pics i have.

so yeahh.

Rahman, who made the day possible.

Thanks and appreciated. =)

The COOL fiat car.

"boleh nampak pokok2, langit yang biru"

the surprising jambreak.
the thinking moments at vivo.

the beautiful breakfast at changi.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, S??"

im happy and contented.

thank you Allah. =)

for every perfections, He set an imperfection.

2008-12-22T17:13:00.005+08:00

i want to update,

i want to update.

i want, i want!

but i cant. haha.

theres too many things to say.

i just do not know where and how to start.

just hoping that my following holiday balance,

before school reopens,

shall be a bliss.

InsyaAllah. =)

meeting my lovelies tomorrow.

din expect to go at first,

walaupun hati menjerit2. AKU NAK IKUT.

thanks to farah, il be following. =)

i miss my cousins VERY THE MUCH!

each and everyone of them. huhu.

including Kak Fizah, Taufik and Nurul. =)

met someone new. *winks*

Oli made my day.

2008-12-09T22:53:00.008+08:00

Been VERY busy these past few days.

im soo worried about my term test.

my mind just cant take it anymore.

too much.

so went to celebrate Hari Raya Haji yesterday.

it went well.

food was yummy,

at home and at aunty sari's house.

"rosak diet aku"

LOL.

My two beloved cousins.

more lar actually.

just find ammar really cute. haha.

so went to collect passport today.

spot the difference.

NYEHEHEH.

andddd,

TADAH!!! =)

seems lyk u're hesitating..

but u dono how to go about from dere...

u dono wad u're hesitating for..

and u dont noe wad u shuld do wif it...

2008-12-06T22:54:00.011+08:00

I'm supposed to be busy studying for my term test.

yet here i am updating my blog.

haha.

oh well, since im in the mood, i might as well right.

went to meet seha and kay at 9AM on fri.

since i did not want to treat them,

i had to arrive early.

kemut eh shida. haha.

so studied all the way till 1pm.

wanted to meet farah, assumed that she ponteng.

but nope, shes at school. =(

miss u lar sis.

so, nini called and i teman her to an interview.

it was at Singapore Science Park.

yeap, we were lost.

so we took cab.

haha, and i also joined the interview. =)

then headed to orchard to meet the cousins.

well lets let the pictures tell the stories yah. =)

haha, i tried to put more but oh soo leceh.

well the day was awesome laaarr.

then, today before i went to study,

headed to ming fong's house warming. it was a pleasant day! =)

Thank You Allah. =)

2008-12-05T12:28:00.010+08:00

was browsing through farah's blog.

and wasting time, waiting for nini.

finished making notes for QE and Netsec, so can relax abit lar today. hees.

so as i was saying, was browsing through farah's blog.

i came across a sentence she posted,

the reason i lived for.

hmm, lets start.

Without my family, im practically nothing.

Yes, these are the people you quarrel with most of the time.

yet, they will be the one there for you,

no matter what time.

My soul mates. haha.

they know me inside out. =)

i've yet to get a complete picture of my cousins.

they are the one always in my thoughts and heart.

Thank You Allah, for blessing me with all of them.

Many are arent here. i don't have to put pictures to show.

they are pasted in my heart. =)

2008-12-04T23:20:00.003+08:00

1. What have you been doin' recently?

just got back from studying.

STUDY STUDY STUDY!

2. Do you ever turn your cellphone off?

only when im im expecting msges which takes AGES.

i know, i never change.

"ROLL EYES"

3. What happened @ 10am yesterday?

sleeping beside my cousin.

love her. =)

4. When did you last cry?

almost! during judging, haha.

damn u keling!

5. Believe in fate & destiny?

yes, but i think everything is written.

6. What do you want in your life right now?

hmm, happiness, true love?

haha, contented with my body? LOL

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or cover up wit your hood?

it depends. haha, just rembat the rain larr.

8. Whats your favourite thing to do on the bed?

OMG SLEEP LA.

9. What bottoms are you wearin' now?

black three quater pjs?

haha.

10. Whats the nicest thing in your inbox?

a message by farah,

good luck for my judging.

sweet. =)

11. Do you tend to make the relationship complicated?

only when i get paranoid. ALWAYS.

12. Are you wearin' anythin' that is borrowed?

nopes?

13. What was the last movie you caught?

the coffin, haha.

UNI GUY.

14. What are you proud of?

my family.

so far, aku tak jatuh cinta. haha.

15. What is the oldest text message in your inbox say?

Happy valentines day dearest!

Luv u so much!

by: Nini

LOL

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?

im yours.

and kay sang along. haha.

17. Do you have any nickname?

ahahaha. shhh!

18. What does the newest text say?

amran: same gak...mkn ape tadi?

LOL

19. What time did you go to bed last night?

quite early midnight i think.

was waiting for "mustafa" to reply.

he felt asleep too. -_-"

20. Are you currently happy?

Alhamdulillah, yes. =)

21. Who gives you the best advise?

farah and kak fizah.

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?

never before i ate it straight from the can? haha.

23. Who did you talk on the phone last night?

no one called. =(

24. Is somethin' buggin' you now?

kruk kruk?

25. Who was the last person to make you laugh?

FASEHA FAHMI!

2008-11-30T11:32:00.002+08:00

oHo.

a new day, a new week, a new story.

same girls, same family, same cousins.

a different me.

haha, aper yang aku melalut pun aku tak tau.

be updating soon, its just that my train of words were gone.

hehehe~

2008-10-29T13:10:00.002+08:00

woah...

the blog is like so dead la seyyyy. huhu.

sorry laaa, there are times where you just feel there is sooo many things that needs to be written down. other times, these words just wouldnt want to be expressed.

anywaes, life has been through many drastic changes.

my stories with hakeem has been put to a foolstop.

its over, and im not sure myself if there is any regrets or not?

what i know is that, its for the best for both of us.

i knew from the start that it was not really working.

i only held strong enough due to my strong feelings for him.

feelings that i myself question till now.

feelings that i asked myself what it was.

farah asked me, what is love?

and im sure i do not know what in the world is love.

cause if i had known what it was,

if i had felt it,

im sure i would not have let it go?

i do not regret my past, but im afraid of whats in store for the future.

i know, in hakeem's eyes, what i did was bad.

i admit that i broke his heart.

and im terribly sorry.

but what about this heart of mine?

that was something he took for granted in this relationship.

i did not have any say in anything.

that was what that brought everything to an end?

and ridzuan?

what was that all about?

if i had cheated on him, i would not have told hakeem that he existed.

i might as well kept it a secret.

but did he ever for once thought and asked me?

what was his mistake?

why i chose to leave him?

cause i really felt his love was not strong enough?

was that it?

im not so sure myself.

i was miserable, i wasnt happy.

i tried to save the relationship.

but deep down, it says to let go.

just let go.

hold on to hope.

i know what hope is?

i know, but i do not know what love is.

2008-08-25T09:51:00.002+08:00

i tried so hard.

i think so much.

but when i tried to stop it haunt me even more.

have you ever tried to sit back,

see the whole picture?

see what im feeling?

see all my tears?

cause i missed you so much.

but it seems like you cant be bothered.

im not giving up.

all i ask is to make me smile.

2008-08-08T13:05:00.003+08:00

Counting down, 10 and a 1/2 hours more to go.

weeee, can't wait.

im going to genting highlands tonight.

with my dad's side of the family.

its going to be a BLAST!

and HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE!!!!

hees. =)

and the time in school is going OH SOOOO SLOWLY.

i heard that the primary, secondary and junior college students get a holiday this monday.

its OH NOT SOOO FAIR!

we have to be stuck in school,

passing the OH SOOOO BORING days.

but blahhhh, mp/sip will be over soon.

29TH AUGUST!

i'll be missing my baby.

hes sick, and ill be leaving.

i feel so bad.

but it will be a test for both of us.

ill be missing him alot.

baby, im missing you now.

2008-07-28T14:04:00.002+08:00

26th July 2008

this day was really loved.

thanks to my dearest Kamal Hakeem.

i had not had a happier day since ages.

though the activity was plain,

the meaning behind these activity means the world.

thank you dear,

for the swensen's meal.

for the trip in the bus.

for your shoulder.

for the time at the river.

for the SINGAPORE FLYER!

for the popeyes meal.

for the hugs.

and especially, for the LOVE.

Happy 4 months to us.

and many happy returns.

May Allah bless us. =)

2008-07-24T11:43:00.002+08:00

i just want to wake up,

feeling refreshed, happy and no worries.

and i have not had that kind of waking up for ages!

every morning has been a burden,

feeling tired and sleepy.

knowing that my fyp is not over.

and im tired of impressing people.

knowing that, it backfires on me.

everything is NOT right.

except for my baby,

he made my day yesterday.

treat me to coffee bean.

finally had that tiramisu.

and advance annivesary gift.

THANKS BABY!

and had early luch with yan n jaro.

simple yet smiless. =)

missed farah, su and ain.

i just want everything to be fine.

im tired.

im not complaining that things don't go my way.

im just complaining of being tired.

im tired of making things right.

im tired of pacifying.

2008-07-17T11:02:00.005+08:00

If thou must love me, let it be for naught

Except for love's sake only.

Do not say

"I love her for her smile...her look...her way of speaking gently

-For a trick of thought

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought

A sense of pleasant ease on such a day."

For these things in themselves,

beloved, may be changed,

or changed for thee-

-and love so wrought may be unwrought so.

Neither love me for thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry

-A creature might forget to weep,

who bore their comfort long,

and lose their love thereby

But love me for love's sake,

that evermore thou mayst love on,

Through love's eternity.

--Elizabeth Barrett Browning

2008-07-16T11:22:00.002+08:00

sila adek sila cik abang..

lalalalalala.

haha, kk im addicted to oldies song.

or was it thats the only song i hear to?

haha.

had a talk with my parents about the instructor for the car practical.

so it started with:

"mother: nak amek manual ker auto?
me: anything will do lorrr

mo: take auto easyyy

me: but ppl say take manual better

mo: manual difficult, car stall2

bla bla...."

haha, got to noe she took 3 tp.

dad took 4 tp.

and during their time, ftt and btt were tested by using otas sheet.

so they had to wait for the results.

and and, my dad paid 100 bucks just to study for ftt.

now, i undertstand why i became like this during my ftt.

hahaha

so now, ive decided.

ill be taking auto.

ill start my prac after national day.

and i will chiong all the way during the 2 mths holidae.

but must work cause 24 bucks per hr.

maner nak cekau beb.....

hehhehes.

u got me begging u for mercy...

vroooooooom...

2008-07-15T16:14:00.001+08:00

Days of absence, sad and dreary,

Clothed in sorrow's dark array,

Days of absence, I am weary;

He I love is far away.

~Jean-Jacques Rousseau

2008-07-14T09:25:00.002+08:00

had migrane last night.
it was the worst i ever had.
maut seyy.
could not sleep till 6am in the morning.
took paracetamol but to no avail.
woke up at 730, the migrane was fading away.
thanks baby for your care.

Menstrual migraine is distinct from other migraines. Approximately 21 million women in the US suffer from migraines,^[11] and about 60% of them suffer from menstrual migraines.^[12]

There are two types of menstrual migraine – Menstrually Related Migraine (MRM) and Pure Menstrual Migraine (PMM)

MRM is a headache of moderate-to-severe pain intensity that happens around the time of a woman’s period and at other times of the month as well.

PMM is similar in every respect but only occurs around the time of a woman’s period.^[13]

The exact causes of menstrual migraine are uncertain but evidence suggest there may be a link between menstruation and migraine due to the drop in estrogen levels that normally occurs right before the period starts.^[14]

Menstrual migraine has been reported to be more likely to occur during a five-day window, from two days before to two days after menstruation.^[15]

When compared with migraines that occur at other times of the month, menstrual migraines have been reported to

Last longer—up to 72 hours^[16]

Be more severe^[15]^[17]

Occur more often with nausea and vomiting^[12]

Be more difficult to treat—occur more frequently^[18]

2008-07-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,

For all the day they view things unrespected;

But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,

And darkly bright, are bright in dark directed.

Then thou, whose shadow shadows doth make bright,

How would thy shadow's form form happy show
To the clear day with thy much clearer light,

When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so!

How would, I say, mine eyes be blessed made

By looking on thee in the living day,

When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade

Through heavy sleep on sightless eyes doth stay!

All days are nights to see till I see thee,

And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me.

-Sonnet 43

2008-07-07T11:34:00.005+08:00

okay, i seriously do not know how to start this entry.

emm, lets just start by saying,

thank you everyone.

regardless i noe it or not.

thank you for pouring this

irritating, stubborn, lovely, cute, adoroble,

k i noe mokking,

with many love.

its so easy for us to say sorry everytime we do a mistake,

but i realised its soo difficult.

ok not difficult la,

just tak kuaser to say thank you.

to everything that has happened in our life.

thank you Allah,

for bringing me to life.

thank you mother,

though i always argue with you; for my whole 19 years.

for growing me up.

for carrying me for 9 months.

thank you daddy,

for the looove.

thank you my siblings.

thank you mak, bapak.

thank you baby,

for the love.

thank you kak fizah.

thank you my cousins.

each n everyone of you.

thank you my aunts and uncles.

thank you my teachers.

for the knowledge.

thank you my frens.

thank you my 5 girls.

thank you guys.

thank you my poly girls and guys.

and many more..

thank you Allah.

for this big smile.

see, its not so bad after all. =)

If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for
what he's going to get.
Frank A. Clark

2008-07-04T10:50:00.002+08:00

have you ever thought of why people change?

why people don't bother?

why people don't care?

especially when these people are those close to your heart.

if u try to understand,

its actually not them changing.

its you.

you think they change,

you think they don't bother,

you think they don't care.

you just think.

you assume and get angry

and decide not to care anymore.

but i guess all u need to do is try to understand why they are being like that.

ask them, don't let your emotions control yourself.

cause in the end you're only hurting yourself.

im sorry but things could have been better.

2008-07-01T10:09:00.003+08:00

i think im sick today.

ughh, i hate this lingering feeling.

i hate that everything seems all wrong.

and im having ftt later!!!

hope for the best.

at this point of time,

only He the mightest could help.

oh Allah,

please bless me with great patience and strength.

give me the will to smile,

even though all i could do is to cry my heart out.

i just hurt my dear.

i did not meant to.

but baby,

until when...

2008-06-27T09:59:00.004+08:00

today is a wonderful sunny day! =)

and im wearing a wonderful yellow clothing.

and my baby made my day.

thanks dear.

and im meeting my gals today.

cant wait!

oh Allah, please bless
me and my
loved ones with a wonderful day today.Amin.

2008-06-06T09:05:00.002+08:00

my dear sister,

why does your words seem so wounded.

seems so distant.

seems to hold on to something very heavy.

yes life is full of many lessons.

but with this lessons,

life becomes fulfilled and meaningful.

and im sure,

you of all people.

will pass it through with grace and strength.

quote frome su's blog,

"You can never tell what people are thinking and feeling unless they tell you,

and usually they lie.

you ask them, "whats wrong?" and they say "Nothing."

You accept this because its easier than digging for the truth.

people smile when they want to cry, they laugh when they want to scream and shout. they pretend like nothing is wrong because they dont want to face the truth.

things aren't always rainbows and butterflies,

sometimes you gotta scream and cry your angers and sadness to the world,

because you can only hold it in for so long before something in you snaps."

i only realised now after reading her blog and farah's blog.

we suffered all these insecurities,

only because we never tell.

we hide, we keep, we never tell the truth.

its true, we always smile.

go home at night, lie on the bed.

and cry your heart to sleep.

its not healthy.

"tapi kenape aku tak kurus2 eh?" kk sorry.

my girls, hajar, farah, su, ain and izyan.

lets have a picnic.

lets shout our lungs out.

we need this break.

some of us found what we really want.

but i haven't.

and im looking for it.

baby,

what im writing here

might hurt us.

but i guess its time.

i know i love you,

i have no doubt about that.

but dear,

i admit i make mistakes.

i said im sorry, i promised i won't do it again.

but ill repeat it.

again and again.

and all times i have no intentions of hurting you.

but why must the punishment

be in terms

of hurting me back?

why can't you tell me off nicely?

use nice words.

reprimand me politely.

softly.

cause baby,

im crumbling to pieces.

the moment you say.

"i dont give a damn about you"

does that mean,

you dont love me anymore?

im sorry dear,

with all my heart.

but if im never good enough for you.

just let me know.

cause i still love you.

till you tell me not to,

shall i close my heart.

2008-05-30T19:06:00.002+08:00

okay, im finally updating my blog.

hoping this habit shall last long.

but, im really actually not satisfied with my blogskin.

might be changing it again. =)

and i need you boo.

haha, miss my baby. alot though.

alot of things have happen in my life.

whatever happens sure do open my eyes.

im learning to appreciate things.

to know what actually means more to me.

to know whats good and whats not.

to know, whom actually appreciates you.

to understand u.

to noe whos really there for u.

to noe ur not right even when ur not telling.

and now i dare say.

and im not lieying.

i love my family. (includes cousins)

i love Kamal Hakeem.

i love my girls.

i noe im nt there always,

i noe when im single i used to complain.

but i perfectly understand now.

and i apologise for all my old thoughts.

cause only now i learn.

only now, i understand.

2008-04-21T15:05:00.002+08:00

there was soo much to update at first.

but now all i could think off was how my mouth is my painful poison.

to you, im really am terribly sorry.

i noe at this moment i should be the one to be most thankful.

i have all the attention a person ever needed.

and i still complain.

to you.

im sorry dear, im really am.

you're the last person i've ever want to hurt.

and to everyone close to me that ive hurt im terribly sorry.

theres no excuse i would give myself for saying those words to you.

ive hurt you and i apologise from the bottom of my heart.

i promise i would never bring up that topic to you again.

im sorry su.

i just feel like a terrible friend.

i really do.

2008-03-13T02:48:00.002+08:00

ive been playing the waiting game.

and i gave it a time limit.

however i did cheat in the game.

i cheated and broke the rule.

i msged u while waiting.

i couldnt resist it.

waiting any longer was really painful.

but since i cheated, i faced the penalty.

i wasnt disquallified.

i realised i was the only one playing.

there was no one at the finishing line to cheer me on.

i won the race alone.

i finally found the answer.

u were never there.

never there to cheer me in the game.

and i found my answer.

i realised u were never there.

and i have to move on.

chins up.

2008-02-12T18:27:00.000+08:00

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok

But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' It

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

Still Harder Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the mostIs being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you

That's what I was trying to doOoohhh....

Superb right??? haha. thanks to farah.

2008-02-04T11:52:00.000+08:00

perasaan ku ini,

ku anggap bagaikan cuaca

yang tak mampu ku ramal.

kadangkala amat bercahaya,

memberikan suatu sinar yang bermakna.

memberikan keceriaan yang tak terhingga.

buat ku terlonjak- lonjak kesukaan.

lalu datang awan yang berat.

mendung mengisi.

rasa bagai ada sahaja yang tidak kena.

pada siapa mahu ku mengadu.

pada siapa mahu ku berkata.

hati yang berat bak awan yang mengisi air.

petir pula mula menyambar.

diikuti guruh yang berdentum kuat.

langit sudah mula gelap.

hujan yang lebat mula jatuh ke bumi.

air mata ku ikut mengalir.

hati ini terlalu sedih.

lamunan ku tiba-tiba terhenti.

you're thinking too much shida.

take a look at the brighter side.

ignore all those thots that keeps bringing you down.

hajar said, when you cry for them. did they cry for you back?

they don't and in the end its just a waste of time.

i use to be soo optimistic, now im just soo sadistic.

i think too much.

like max said, it comes naturally.

I WANT TO BREAK OUT OF THIS BUBBLE!

give me back my smiles and laughter.

give me back my sincerity.

2008-01-19T22:54:00.000+08:00

my dear suriana just asked me to update.
so im going to it right now.

lets update about love.
mcmla tak 24 jam bobal sal cinta.

cinta cinta cinta.
cinta itu buta.
tetapi cinta itu memainkan beribu peranan dalam hidup kita.
ada pelbagai jenis cinta di dunia.
cinta yang perlu, dan cinta yang tak berguna.
cinta datang dan pergi.
membuat seseorang itu tertawa.
atau hanya membawa duka.

love has alot of obligations.
love for your family is one.
in the end of the day theyr the one u love.
n the one hu loves u back regardlessly.

and the love for your friends.
quote from su's blog.

"Love asked friendship, "When i'm here for people, why are you here also?"
Friendship replied "For making people laugh when you leave them weeping""

in the end of the day, ull need your friends,
cause aside from family, ey know u best!
love can be wonderful for a special person.

but i believe love needs to be tested to see how strong the love is.
no fight, no test, no spark.
might as well no love. hahaha.
when you love someone, you need to love him for who he really is.
and to never pretend to be someone else when your around him.
and only when your away for awhile would you realise how much you miss him.
how much he means to you.
maybe give the love a little test? =)

but love can be heartbreaking.
love can be full of lies.
love can be full of deceat.
beautiful at first, heart wrenching later on.

but its a test from god.
im having loads of love. thank you Allah.

but from that special one?
hes on the way.
mcm paham.

haha dun mind my entry.
its wayyyyy past bedtime.

2008-01-08T11:20:00.000+08:00

my post today shall be akward.

but baah, its my blog and i speak what i really feels.

rahman told me:

Family FIRST,

Friends SECOND

Special ones THIRD.

im tired of trying to make things right.

tired to keep caring of whatever that's not right outside.

tired of forgetting that i too,

have my own sorrows.

that i too have to spend my times to the ones i really love.

to the ones whom really loves me.

appreciates me.

show me they really care.

im tired of giving hints that no,

things are going totally wrong.

cause yes deep inside i know these all seems wrong.

that we've distant.

that we dun really care like we use to.

that we kept pretending.

that everything is alright.

cause noooooooooo.

everything is not alright!

but what do i get????

i gt ignored.

my feelings dont matter.

i feel its time i start to be selfish.

its time i dun tink about you.

i noe i cant.

but ill try.

cause i cried hard enough yesterday night.

it hurts.

it hurts too much.

it hurts to care and you not knowing.

it hurts to see what we built after sooo long seems nothing to you now.

it hurts to see, there's no longer trust, honesty and faith in us anymore.

its all gone.

just because you're in love.

people say u get blinded by love.

oh yes u really do.

i wrote this out of anger and love for you.

its time i give the biggest hint.

i dun care where it takes us.

cause when you lose that love, lets see who will still be there for you.

lets see which love means most to you.

and this time let you cure your own blindness.

i just hate what youre doing. ok?

2008-01-02T12:29:00.000+08:00

hapy new year everybody!

since its a new year i feel i should change my blogskin.

mcm dull gituk kn.

ok based on farah's request i shall update.

hees.

ok lets update on what i did on new year's eve.

morning went to school.

realised i did well for a test.

Alhamdulillah.

then met the girls with their guys.

wink* rahman, kecik and akmal.

zul came later.

we went to eat at rasa 21.

the weather was oh soo warm.

after eating, we went to downtown east.

farah, rahman, hajar and me decided to play datona.

but it packed with teenagers.

cheh. mentang2 da besar. keke.

remembered rahman folding his arms. haha

since it was full we decided to play the mario tingy.

but, it was spoiled so we cud not play together.

then we head to mc cafe.

laughed and laughed.

till yat n ika came.

followed by yan and ain with their guys.

oh ya. i met aki.

pleasant but somthing he did ticked me off.

lets forget about it.

then joined my cousins to have a countdown together.

met fakhri, aidil, sufi and kak fizah.

we then met nurul in the d'marquee.

she had to werk.

cam kesian kaaan.

since it was still early, we went out.

played pool.

funny like crazyy.

then headed to mc cafe.

drank passion fruit. and ate chees cake and opera diva.

yummy!!

"2 cuppacino. eh asl panas eh??"

hahahahaha. quoted by aidil.

then after kecah-ing the table,

we headed back into the d'marquee.

sat down and head bobbed to the music.

the singer of the spy experiment band was ohhh so crank!

then it was time to countdown.

we shouted, and just danced around.

simply said.

IT WAS AWESOME!!

2007-12-28T17:36:00.000+08:00

im dead bored.

hanyalah untuk santapan.

enjoyy.

Whats my inspirations? yeayeaaa!

2007-12-28T15:22:00.000+08:00

gosh, i miss my fl mates soo much.

haha.

terasa emo di dalam hati.

ok, im kind of feeling angry now.

he made me come back to school and hes no where to be found.

macam nak jerit sekuat-kuat hatiku. ahhhhh!

ok to yan,

we dun say much but i wan u to noe.

no matter how much i nag at u,

no matter how much i always scold u,

no matter how angry i am at you.

im a bad lil sis

coz i love u.

and u mean a lot to me.

i wouldnt want anything bad to happen to you.

ok big sis? =)

i noe my gals are the happiest people on earth these few days.

i noe they deserve it.

thank you Allah.

so now its time for me to find that lil happiness that i long for.

i will stop pretending.

from now on, ill be honest wf my words.

honest with my attitude.

no more pleasing.

coz all i want is to be happy. tu jek.

can can can?

2007-12-16T21:12:00.000+08:00

okay.

the attacks are back. ive been suffering migrane very frequently this month.

hmm, i hope everything are just fine.

im not going to the doctor.

i guess ive not been reasting well.

just need sufficient rest and enough sleep.

yes yes, my best friend the pillow. haha.

okay, been very paranoid these few days.

im soory gals.

im trying.

its a daily battle.

hope ill be stronger. haha.

niwaes cant wait for the chalets.

itll be a BLAST.

2007-12-14T10:58:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, i would like to thank everyone to give a min for thinking of me on 13th December 2007.

To Nini, Zul, Hajar, Izyan, Farah, Huzaifah, Ain, Akmal, Munis, Zul, Bia, Cik Ani, Rahman, Kecik, Faris, Fandi, Hidayat, Kak Ika, Mom Dad, brother sister, Cik Ima, Ammar, Mak, Bapak, Quek, Gideon, Miao Jun and many others. Thanks for making yesterday a wonderful day!

To my dearies and brothers. the surprise was AWESOME. something i would never forget in time to come. cause, for one whole day. i feel very VERY appreciated.

the cake was delicious.

the wait was late but worthwhile. THANKS FARAH.

the night was blessful.

the thoughts were loved.

the company was emmm "Thank You Allah for them".

2007-11-23T11:44:00.000+08:00

okay doks.

agak2 da lamer giler ehh tk update.

heeess.

kk hmm todae i shall update randomly, whatever that just pops into my mind.

okays 1st thot:

had a verrryyyy baaaadd pms this past days.

but its all over yeah! =)

was angry at the slightest things, worrying at the smallest thing.

bad right? even crying ALOT.

sorry k people that i menyusahkan. sorry really sorry.

but just like farah said, it will all be over. i hope =s

k 2nd thot:

im freezing in the lib.

wondering what time my big sis is ending.

cant msg her coz my ppd low. hai hai

3rd thot:

neck pain, thigh pain.

haha. im whining.

but hu cares?

gals whine. alot.

yes they do.

4th thot:

abg didi just asked me.

what im gonna do after i graduate?

futher studies or werk?

i said if im able to further then i shall.

if not werk loorr.

but but. werk what ehh?

ooopppsss. haha.

5th thot:

when we kiss oooohhh fire.

haha, listening to izyan's blog song.

mcm loser kn aku, da tak tau nk buat aper lagik.

im BLODDY BORED.

6th thot:

tomorrow shall be a busy day.

yeah!!! loved it, cant wait for it.

at least my mind shall be occupied.

haha. i realised i was a paranoid.

if there is anger managment course, is there dun tink too much course?

hahahahaha.

kk i shall try my best not to think too much. i try.

oh yaaaa, tomorrow shall have many cranks to look at.

weeeee. cant wait. hehehes

7th thot:

im really freezing here.

my jari-jemari cant move.

my back aches.

cause im really freezing.

8th thot, and always in my thots:

this i can never stop thinking.

what are my gals doing?

senyap jekkk, mis them alot.

and my abgs.

hahai hai.

~when we kisssss, ooohhh fire!!

2007-10-29T12:28:00.000+08:00

was frenster hopping and went to kak fizah's

caught hold of this beautiful malay sayings.

Tidak perlu mencari teman secantik balqis

Andai diri tidak sehebat Sulaiman

Tidak perlu seteguh Ibrahim

Andai diri tidak sekuat Hajar

Mengapa mengharap teman setampan Yusuf

Jika kasih tidak setulus Zulaikha

Mengapa didamba teman hidup sehebat Khadijah

Andai tidak sesempurna Rasulullah s.a.w.

nice right? true lar.

in the end u have to ahem* berpijak ke bumi yang nyata.

why dream of the perfect guy when ur not a perfect gal? and likewise for guys.

but, its not wrong to dream right? haha.

and then, i thought of what rahman said.

what exactly meant when it was said that, Allah mencipta insannya semulia2 insan.

err, i think that was how it sounds. forgot uhs.

correct me if im wrong. =)

haha, but now im so glad that my heart is settling down from the rollercoaster

ride that it just went through. i tink so lar. hehes.

InsyaAllah. kan kan kan. =)

had fun yesterday. and the day before it.

thanks wan, for being my partner of the day. =)

thanks for carrying my bag and all. shoo sweet kan?

my big baby brother. and izyan's too. keke.

and zul kecik for the short period of clinging with you.

short but sweet.

it was a fun day, though i had a moment of pms. haha.

ended the day nicely though.

my dad said something sweet and i knew it means green light from him.

semoga belajar sampai ke tahap yang tertinggi.

and semoga berkekalan dan berpanjangan persahabatannya. Amin.

WOW! cool kan for him to say like that. hehe. lurv u dad.

he also said to ajak them to our house to blaja and all.

waaaaa, gerek say.

haha. im glad i had a nice day. Thank you Allah.

to my special gal, ain: i know this few days ive been treating u differently.

but i love u still. and it wont shake our frenship.

everything will be back as per normal soon.

i hope u understand what im going through.

love me still okays? =)

to my special sisters, farah and izyan: u guys have been here.

through all my ups and down. to hear me cry, laugh and crap.

with no hesitation, u guys are always there for me.

i apreciated it alot. thanks. muakz.

to hajar and su, still very special: our time spent together have been very limited.

miss u guys ALOT.

to my 2 abg and new abg ahem, wan. zul and kecik:

wan takmu jelos2, me n yan jek boleh. haha.

zul, for always entertaining my craps msgs. tanz.

kecik for doing wat u always do.

thanks for cheering me up.

Thank you Allah, for blessing me with these wonderful people.

2007-10-24T17:18:00.000+08:00

wow.

macam da lamer gituk kn tk update.

haha.

but one thing for sure.

im very happy, spending every single days with my girls.

muakz much much love to them.

yet there are many sidebacks too. but lets just blink them away.

right?

n oh ya much love to my x colleagues of fl.

thanks ahmad tadi teman aku go design haha.

thanks farah, ain, izyan, hajar for all the smiles and laughters.

su.....i miss u alr gal. wen nk meet nie?

thanks for helping me fight my tears.

and Allah blessed me with new bunch of cute brothers.

wan, zul, zul, akmal, kecik, yan2 *haha* and fir.

not forgetting fah. haha.

im contented, m i?

2007-09-05T13:53:00.000+08:00

had a marathon of hikmah2 yesterday.

so..upon reaching the very last episode i gotta admit,

tears started to emm kumpul in my eyes.

the takbir was soo heart moving.

it made me looked back to all my past sins.

it was alot.

and my little heart could not stop to ask forgiveness.

oh Allah, pls forgive all my sins as well as to all my loved ones.

okay2 i have to update this.

Aizat just called me and asked if he could borrow 70 bucks.

Shock is overcoming me now.

1stly, maner nk cekau duit. sendiri jek takder.

2nd, he hung up the phone the moment i said i do not have it.

now, if anybody could answer this question.

is it wrong what im doing?

but what is it that im doing?

i never stop hurting myself.

its not them hu are hurting me.

i put myself into this so im hurting myself right?

oh Allah, pls give me great strength and patience in overcoming this trial of yours.

hmms..im sure in this coming month of ramadhan,

there will be alot of trials that i have to face.

oh Allah, pls give us strength and patience.

Amin.

2007-08-31T11:39:00.000+08:00

my eyes swollen again seyyyyy.

haha. but luckily da reda skit. da cantek balek. kwang3.

and my dad said ive been having this syndrome since i was young? aik.

its allergies. and i dont even noe wat im allergic to. haha.

i did ate prawns early in the morning.

and umm, stale tepung? hahahaha.

i heard yesterday su n izyan went to cut hair...

cant wait to see them. hees. sure nice rite?

so everybody..my exams are OVERRRRR!

hope no sub paper.

gotta admit got really distracted this sem. work while exam. tsk tsk.

no more of that incident. learn from mistakes.

so..meeting su later. teman her go first lady. hope she dapat. =)

and i heard that zul n akmal asking at 2nd chance. wee~

bestnyer. padehal jauh. 1 traffic light apart lar. hees.

nevermind i shall be a great worker and ask help to pass any clothes. =)

so..the holidays are here.

to anybody who wants to meet me up. ill be at first lady 12 sept onwards. ahaa.

no shame. =)we'll be glad to serve u. First Ladies. haha. =)

hope su gets it.

They'll be glad to serve u at 2nd chance. =)

oh Allah, pls bless my girls, Farah, Izyan, Hajar Su n Ain. Not forgetting Lina. great health n pure bliss,love and hapiness this holidae.

may we, all muslims have the greatest faith in pursuing our fasting moth of Ramadhan.

and keep my family and cousins happy.

Amin. Thank you Allah.

2007-08-29T11:16:00.000+08:00

ahaaa...

see what ain's blog have done to me?

im searching in imeem for dangduts song..haha.

so ppl...SONG OF THE DAY: DANGDUT

hahaha....ok2 i left early after my teleprn paper.

it was do-able. Alhamdulillah.

so..been meeting my girls alot. yeah. this is what i want.

at least my lonely days will not be so oh lonely anymore.

and well be working again at our old werk place. YEAYNESS.

hmm..reminded of this two gal faces upon seeing worms on the path way.

lets call them jane and jenab. haha. *its revenge gal. haha.

so jane, jenab and kakgurl were heading towards the sports hall for their maths test.

it was pouring hard. so oh tak glam haha.

they were wet and all.

so walking and walking, a few meters till the reach and jane and jenab STOP.

SHRIEK AND STAGNANT! haha.. apparantly they were freaked out by the sights of the worms. haha cute lar them. at this point of time, im sure image means nothing. haha. cute gals. under the rain. mueheeheeess.

many FUNNY things happen between us gals.

and i apreaciate every single second of it. =)

okla till here.

had this convo between us gals.

to look for a guy he must have...

Cash, Car, Condo, Credit, Crank, Caring, Chonest, Courageous, Courteous, Cute Babies, and 1 N. NO HUTANG. haha.

i still wonder where i came up with the no hutang? hahahaha.

2007-08-27T12:40:00.000+08:00

im supposed to be having some last minutes studying but see what im doing.

haha...sempat2 update blog.

exam ohhh shida kul 230..haha.

InsyaAllah. everything will go smoothly.

btw i have to blog this down.

STOP, kau mencuri hatiku, hatiku. haha.

Ain's blog song never failed to entertain me. =)

i love my girls more and more each day.

can i have at least one whole day with them? just us only pls.

haha.

ok2 now im in a dillema. should i quit polar and just work at first lady?

or work both? ohh..help me get an answer. and FAST.

anywaes, i think im going to heed hajar advice.

what im experiencing shall not happen again when i grow up.

tk cukup besar lagi ker shida. haha nudge2 izyan.

i shall have as many frens as ever. if god wills no heart feelings attached.

thanks ya farah for listening to my heart spills. =)

see people i have the best galfrens anyone could ask for.

and i pray them well and happy. =)

thank you Allah.

kk...hope paper easy. haha.

2007-08-07T11:23:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

im sorry for all ive said.

for ever hurting anybody by my words.

but pls remember, ive never meant to hurt anybody.

im going to KL tomorrow, InsyaAllah.

hope to really have fun there.

forget my sorrows.

and come back feeling as happy as ever.

1 thing for sure i'll miss my girls.

each and everyone of u.

Izyan, Ain, Farah, Hajar and Su.

to my dear one. i noe u noe im toking to u.

if i ever hurt u with my words.

pls noe i care. and i want the best from u.

i am sad to see how life for u is going.

i pray to Allah, he gives u the ray of light.

the smile that u deserve.

but if ur happy the way ur life is leading u, then i hope no sadness or anger shall ever reach u.

all i want u to noe is that i really care for u k gal.

do come to me if anything bad happens.

and my entry..hmm let it be lah.

its stupid? hmm, im sorry but it comes from the heart.

oh and i was wrong about you.

yeap nini, our lives were too different.

its ok. Allah teaching me stuffs.

heh, moving on...NEXT *winks

i have no intentions of hurting, yet im the one hus hurting right here.

so i apologise.

2007-08-02T09:34:00.000+08:00

eh eh...

let me update a short entry.

haha, sempat2 shida. im supposed to meet rizal hajar's fren to pass his thumbdrive.

hajar...KFC MEAL SATUUU!!!

haha...anywaes true lar gal, wateva will be will be.

im tired of expecting things to happen.

let it happen. i wont wait anymore.

i need to say this.

things are painful yet they are irresistable. hah.

i have difficulties on letting go things unless they tell me to let go.

haha...niwaes gangsta bedok, i have patience too ks.

and my patience have its tolerance limit.

to the extend that i might blow up, u betta stop ur antiques.

i will and nothing else can stop me. =)

oh to ian, hope u get well soon.

me and my many assumptions.

and to farah and her AHEM abang.

OH BABY UR DRIVING ME CRAZZZIIIEE..

i dreamt last night that finally ur letting me go.

u told me that it was a stupid fantasy.

wake me up. dun let the dream continue and come true.

shoot hakim, u rock my pampered socks. hah. he was behind me.